Wherever We Land

If I could bring back one dinosaur… yeah, that’s gonna be a hard no for me. I know it sounds cool in theory—imagine the bragging rights! “Oh, you brought a kayak? I brought a triceratops.” But once you really sit with the thought of having an actual dinosaur roaming around during a peaceful camping trip, you realize that’s a one-way ticket to disaster. My little tent wouldn’t stand a chance!

Let’s talk reality for a second. Right now, when I go camping, I’m already on high alert for bears tiptoeing in like uninvited dinner guests. I keep my cooler shut tighter than a bank vault and sleep with one eye open just in case a raccoon decides it’s their turn for a midnight snack. Don’t even get me started on the squirrels. They might look cute and fluffy, but let me tell you, those little bandits are clever, bold, and slightly too organized for comfort. I’ve seen squirrels do things with trail mix that would make a magician jealous.

Now throw in a dinosaur? Oh no. You want me to relax under the stars while a velociraptor is sniffing around my firewood? Or worse, a T. rex stomping through my campground because he got a whiff of my cheesy hamburger dip? I don’t think so! There’s already enough “wild” in the wilderness—I don’t need something the size of a school bus trying to share my sleeping bag.

Besides, let’s be honest: there’s no bug spray strong enough for Jurassic-sized mosquitoes, and I’m not prepared to hang my food up in a tree that high just to avoid a brontosaurus snack raid.

So while the idea of resurrecting dinosaurs might be fun for the movies, in my camping reality? I’ll stick with my current lineup of wildlife, thank you very much. Bears, raccoons, squirrels—I see y’all, I respect your hustle, but dinosaurs? That’s where I draw the line.

Nature is already wild enough. Let’s keep Jurassic Park in the theaters and out of my campsite. Amen.